This is my first post here at my new blog. My friends and loved ones have asked me so many questions about how I feel about my diagnosis that I feel like I need a place to share this information.

For those that know me, I was diagnosed in my 20s with endometriosis. It is a horrible condition that means pain and in my case certain infertility. A year ago my condition became so bad that I went back to the doctors begging for relief. I learned my endo has worsened and I now have fibroid tumors (six of them) in my uterus. I was placed on drug treatment, which has not been working and am now counting down the days until I go back to find out about a hysterectomy.

Let's face it. I am grateful that the surgery will help me. I was already told that I couldn't have children, but this just seems very final. There is no hope for a family for me, which I'm not quite sure I totally grasp right now. I never thought I wanted one, but being told no makes it worse. How do I face the future without even the possibility? Maybe I never would have had children, but there was always a chance.

So I've been thinking about other solutions for a while. It isn't something I've been sharing because my family sees me as the childless one. I've made a big deal that I didn't want to be a mother, but now... I don't know. What if I did adopt? Is it fair of me to do so? The child would have no father. I make a comfortable living, but is it enough for another person? I've always been the baby. How would I be as a single mom? Could I even get approved?

My cousin recently adopted her first child through international adoption. She is adopting a second daughter this year. My friends are all either adopting or having babies right now. Maybe it is just in the air.

What do you think? Am I losing my mind?